MANAGING STRESS IN OUR MATURE YEARS
Several
decades ago Canadian psychologist, Hans Selye wrote a best-selling book about
stress. His perception was, as I recall it, that stress
motivates us to do things and is not a bad thing unless we allow ourselves to
become distressed. That is
perhaps a useful play on words, but I prefer to use the term “desire” rather
than stress. In simple terms, if
you are thirsty you desire water and you will seek it –- if you are hungry your
desire might motivate you to go to your refrigerator.
Some
time ago I made a promise to write an article on stress for a professional
newsletter. It Is my desire to
fulfill my commitment. If I delay
or procrastinate in responding to my desire to keep my promise I will probably
be stressed or in Selye’s use of words become “distressed.”
If
we have that uncomfortable feeling in our gut (fear) it is to alert us that
something is amiss. The purpose of
this discomfort is to get our attention.
If we react to this awareness
by becoming stressed you can be sure that we are being moved by ego-based
fear. If we continue to entertain
fearful thoughts the fear will cause us to become stressed (or in Selye’s
opinion distressed).
Step
one in the process of overcoming this discomfort is to allow –- or “own” this
thought. In the teaching of A Course In Miracles, embrace it.
Please
keep one thing in mind: The only place I have real control over my
life is my thoughts. If I dwell on
my fear-based reaction I am stressed.
It is well to remember that the Law of Attraction is very real –- if I continue
to entertain fear based thoughts what am I attracting? If I ask, “What can I do about this?” The
message here is: I can choose again, replace
the fear-based, negative thought with a positive one!
When
my discomfort causes awareness that something is “out of kilter” I can choose
to respond rather than react. To respond is to thoughtfully think through the situation
causing the discomfort and rationally decide what I am going do about it. In Ekhart Tolle’s book The Power of Now is the following
process, paraphrased a bit: Accept [allow] whatever is happening as if
you had planned it in every detail. Don’t fight it. Work with it, not against it [don’t fear it]. Then,
if possible and appropriate take action.
This will change your very life.
Many
philosophers have told us: The
thought is father of the deed. Said
another way, once we have accepted any thought as valid the behavior to support
it is automatic. If the thought
originated as a fear-based reaction –- from stress –- and you continue to
entertain it, you will live with more fear-based stress, not less. We can discipline ourselves to choose
again. The same
psychological dynamic applies to positive (love)-based thoughts -– when we
“own” them our behavior will support them!
CLARIFYING
DESIRE
I
have found the following described exercise to be unbelievably useful in
helping me decide what I really, really, REALLY desire. When we are actively pursuing a strong
desire it is likely that stress will disappear.
I
am referring to The Way of Mastery, ( another
spiritual self-help book) Chapter 4
-- DESIRE IS EVERYTHING. This exercise also introduces us to the
very important element of ALLOWING. The rationale
for this exercise is that unless we are absolutely clear on our desire, the
second step, intention, will be fuzzy
at best and probably impotent -- then the whole thing goes away and we have
done nothing to assuage our stress.
The other two steps in this process are allowing and surrender.
This
is an activity that will enable you to be clearer on your desires than ever
before and will only take you about 15 minutes in the morning for 7 mornings -
– they need not be consecutive.
STEP
ONE –- CLARIFYING DESIRES
· In the morning, after you are fully
awake but before beginning your normal activities take a piece of paper and
enter the date at the top.
· Next, list 7
things that you really, really desire at that time. They need not be prioritized, just strongly desired.
· Do this for 7 mornings
without referring to the previous lists.
· Put the lists in
a drawer and do not refer to them until the 8th day.
· On the 8th
day take the seven lists (49 desires) and on a separate sheet of paper
categorize or “batch” them. (My
review of my 47 desires boiled down to just 5. One of them was clearly much more important than the other
4.)
·
Decide which
desire(s) you choose to bring to reality.
Please come back next week for action steps on HOW to bring your desire(s) to reality.Peace,
Bud.
It is safe to assume that most of us are aware of the benefit to our quality of life by developing a high level of tolerance. We know that the opposite of tolerance is intolerance; and that intolerance leads to defensiveness and judgment; and that judgment is the mother of prejudice. Our stress is greatly influenced by our level of tolerance. Now let us consider taking tolerance to its maximum by developing the mindset of allowing. And thereby reduce our stress.
